Things I Don't Miss About Nights Out

Written while trying to look on the bright side during lockdown 1.0 in 2020. One year on and I still haven't been back to a nightclub. I still don't miss the 'cool girls' hitting me with their hair, either.

Sweaty pits, sweaty backs,
narrowly avoiding another bum slap.
Too many bodies, I’ve clocked the creeps,
but hey there’s booze and it’s going cheap.
The floor is slippy and garnished with glass,
chatting over the music? Nah I’ll pass.
The cool girls are out, hitting me with their hair,
don’t worry hun it’s cool, I’ll dance over there.
See someone from school; great, awkward convo,
yeah, nice to see you, but mate – I’ve got to go!
Leg it to the toilets, breaking the seal,
fall down the stairs, go over on my heel.
Back to the bar, QUICK down a shot,
how many have I had? Hmm – I forgot.
People getting rowdy, oh look there’s a fight,
bouncers coming in and that’s the end of the night.
Blinding lights on and everyone out.
Pizza? Yeah – that’s a good shot!
Hop in a taxi and man, the food’s hot!
Same time next weekend? Yeah sure – why not?